Stock Split Frenzy: Congratulations, You Now Own Smaller Pieces of Nothing.

So the market’s newest hero is… a stock split. Congratulations, Wall Street, you’ve discovered arithmetic.

Let’s be crystal clear about what a stock split actually does: absolutely nothing to the value of your holdings. You own a $100 bill. Someone cuts it into four $25 bills. Are you richer? If you said yes, please stop reading and hand your finances to someone who passed fourth-grade math. A split changes the share price and the share count proportionally. Market cap: unchanged. Earnings power: unchanged. Your net worth: unchanged.

Yet here we are, with investors bidding up “premier stock-split stocks” as if slicing a pizza into more slices creates more pizza. The behavioral finance crowd calls this anchoring—investors see a $1,000 share price and think it’s “expensive,” then see $250 after a split and think it’s “cheap,” despite the underlying business being identical. That’s not investing. That’s numerology