Another Stock Split Overhyped Like It Changes Anything. It Doesn’t.

Let’s clear something up, because apparently the market needs a refresher in arithmetic: a stock split changes nothing about what a company owns, earns, or is worth. You had one $100 pizza cut into eight slices instead of four. Congratulations on your wealth.

Yet here we are in 2026, watching investors bid up shares because several high-profile companies announced splits, while AI euphoria does the heavy lifting for everything else. Wall Street loves splits because splits generate headlines, and headlines generate commission-adjacent excitement. Retail investors love splits because a $900 share becoming a $90 share feels affordable. Feelings are not a valuation methodology.

The actual mechanism here is trivial. A forward split, say 5-for-