Another Stock Split, Another Round of Idiots Calling It “Revolutionary”

Another week, another breathless ode to stock splits. Let me save you the suspense: a stock split is an accounting trick. You own the same company before and after. If you had one $100 pizza cut into eight slices instead of four, would you brag about your pizza gains? No? Then why are you celebrating Nvidia slicing its shares?

The article credits stock-split stocks with lifting the market to new heights. That’s not analysis, that’s astrology. Splits don’t create value. Companies that split their stocks tend to be companies that have already soared—which means momentum, not mechanics, is doing the lifting. Correlation dressed up as causation is how retail investors donate money to the disciplined.

What actually moves your net worth? Earnings growth, valuation, and what you pay to participate. That’s it. A 10-for-1 split at a 40x P/E still leaves you owning a business priced at 40 times earnings. The math is gloriously indifferent