Another Stock Split, Another Round of Financial Illiteracy. Congratulations, Everyone.

Let me save you the suspense: a stock split changes absolutely nothing about what a company owns, earns, or owes. It’s an accounting transaction. If you own 1 share of a $2,000 stock, you’ll now own 10 shares of a $200 stock. Congratulations, your net worth moved by exactly zero dollars. Yet Wall Street treats split announcements like second comings, and retail investors pile in like the shares got cheaper.

They didn’t. Pizza metaphor, because apparently we still need it: cutting one pizza into eight slices instead of four doesn’t give you more pizza. If you’re buying a stock because it split and not because you evaluated the business, the valuation, and your own thesis, you’re not investing. You’re superstition